The Connection Runs Too Deep
by LeighK81
Summary: AU. Takes place after Eclipse. Bella chooses to be single in order to save Edward's family. Her plans fall through and the unthinkable happens. Bella learns just how strong the connection between her and Edward really is. EXB OOC.
1. The Unexpected Decision

**Disclaimer: All books and characters in the Twilight saga are property of Stephenie Meyer.**

The Unexpected Decision

I already made up my mind. I made the choice which was least expected of me. No one would see what was coming if I chose a life of solitude over Edward or Jacob. I know that there will never be another one for me besides Edward. My love for Edward and his family was what prevented me from choosing eternity with him. If he bit me, he would have broken the treaty and start a war.

I knew if I picked Jacob we could have had a family together, but regardless of what he is we are not soul mates. Sam and Emily; Jared and Kim; and even Quil and Claire are soul mates. If I was truly Jacob's soul mate he would have imprinted on me, but he didn't. I am not saying he doesn't love me and I don't love him - me choosing him would have just lead to heartbreak down the road.

I already told Jacob the news. Now I sat in my truck, and braced myself to tell the news to Edward. I wonder if Alice already told him, I hoped not. I needed to do this myself.

I got out of the truck. I walked up the stairs to the elegant white mansion trying not to trip. A miracle in itself, I made it all the way there and didn't trip once. Before I was even able to knock on the door; my own personal angel stood there as he waited for me with my favorite, crooked grin plastered on his face.

He pulled me into his arms as he swiftly kicked the door shut. He was about to kiss me, but I turned my head away before he could. I knew if he was to kiss me then I wouldn't be able to do this. He reluctantly released me.

His face revealed hurt and confusion; I hated to see him in pain. Now I was going to put him in even more pain. How could I possibly do this to him? I know though in the long run, if I was to stay with him then I would have put his family in danger. I loved this man too much to put my own selfish needs in front of their safety. All I can hope is that he won't go to the Volturi after this. I couldn't bear to think what it would have done to Esme if she lost her first 'son.'

"Bella…. What is bothering you?" he asked as he gulped, like he was afraid of my answer.

I mistakenly looked into his topaz eyes. I couldn't let him dazzle me. I close my eyes and shook my head in order to gather my thoughts. "Can we go for a walk somewhere?"

When Edward left me for those terrible nine months, we went for a walk. The memory brought back all the pain I felt and I knew I would soon be feeling when I finally ended things.

Edward nodded his head as he opened the door. When we were outside I thought I was going to lose it right there. I tried very hard not to make any eye contact with Edward because I was afraid if I did he would see right through me. I started to walk ahead but before I could even take three steps he was in front of me demanding to know what was going on.

I swallowed, "Edward, I have made my decision."

"You are choosing Jacob aren't you?" he asked, grimaced in pain.

I took a deep breath and shook my head. He looked at me confused. "I don't understand. Bella, if you didn't choose Jacob then why am I getting the feeling that you are breaking up with me."

I was a coward instead of looking into his eyes I just started at my shoes. "Because I am," I confessed in a whisper so slow that human ears couldn't hear it. I didn't need to look at his face to tell that he was upset. Edward isn't one to wear his emotions on his sleeves, but I knew this would break him. All I could was hope that with the love of his family he would be able to heal. He didn't need to know that I would have stayed single for the rest of my life. He didn't need to know that I wouldn't have a family and that my life wouldn't be happy without him.

When I finally gained the courage to look at his face he was on the ground with his face in his hands. He was into much of a shock to dry sob. "Why?" he finally spoke.

If I told him the truth he would just talk me out of it and I am horrible liar. I wonder if this was what is was like when Edward broke up with me in order to protect me. I had to think fast. Stupid Bella, I chastised myself, you should have came up with a plan before you came here.

"Edward, I am scared." We were still standing in the drive away; luckily no one else was around. The rest of the Cullens were out hunting or were out on a date.

He looked at me wide-eyed. "Of me right?"

I violently shook my head. "No not of you. I am scared of becoming a vampire. I am scared of not being able to cry when I am faced with grief. I am scared of never being able to sleep again. I am scared of murdering people, just so I can relieve a burning throat. I am scared of…" before I could finish he cut me off.

"Bella we will help you along the way. I promise you I will do whatever it takes to prevent you from murdering anyone." He sounded like he was begging now.

Once again I shook my head. "Edward, that is only part of the problem."

"Bella I already told you that you don't need to become a vampire for me. I'll always love you no matter what."

"Edward, don't you think I know that? Look how we are going to explain to everyone else why you don't age?"

"Bella we'll find away I promise you." He pleaded.

I clenched my fists in frustration. _Why was he making this more difficult than necessary?_ "Edward! Take a hint!" I shouted at him. He stepped back in shock. "I don't want you anymore." I was truly a monster… I just told him exactly what he told me during that horrible day. If he wasn't broken before I knew he was broken now.

Once again he was on the ground but this time he was clenching his heart like he was having a heart attack. I wanted so much to run over him to comfort him, but it would have been unfair to toy with his emotions. Instead I ran to my truck as I heard the agony of his dry sobs behind me.

AN: For the record in the original Twilight Universe I don't think Bella would actually leave Edward not even to protect his family. This is an AU though and in this universe she would.


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: All books and characters in the Twilight Saga are property of Stephenie Meyer.**

Chapter Two

I put the key in the ignition and swallowed back my tears. I couldn't let Edward see me cry right now. It would ruin everything and he would see right through my lies. I had to admit that a small part of me was proud of myself for being able to lie to him so easily.

When I pulled out of the Cullens' long drive way doubt entered my mind. Did I save Edward from further pain by breaking his heart now or was I just being selfish and saving myself from pain? I know that life without Edward for me wasn't a life, but if he was somewhere safe in the world then I knew I would be able to live each day by day. If he was destroyed though and ceased to exist then I would be no better than a vegetable on the dinner plate that never gets eaten.

I gripped the steering wheel and screamed in frustration. How could I be so selfish? All along I thought I was thinking of what was best for me when instead I was just trying to prevent myself from further pain. I made assumptions and jumped to conclusions instead of just seeing how things played out. Maybe Carlisle could talk to the pack and reason with them. Surely, if I chose of my own free will to become a vampire it should override the treaty. Then there is the Volturi, how could I be so stupid? The Volturi thinks that I am going to be changed if they find out that the Cullens didn't change me then what will they do. I suppose I could just go to Volterra myself and meet my fate myself. That way I won't have to live in this world without Edward. Now I sound like a hypocrite. I made Edward promise me that he would never go back there again and here I am thinking of the doing the exact same thing. I don't have to die though. I could become a vampire, but instead of being with Edward I could join the Volturi. I shudder at thought. The Volturi are murders. I couldn't live with myself if I ever drank human blood. I also can't stand the sight of Jane. Sure I am immune to her powers, but I will never forgot the amount of pain she caused Edward. In those regards, Jane is better than me. The pain she caused doesn't even compare to what I did to him five minutes ago.

Maybe I should just turn around and apologize to him. This time I will tell him the truth and let him make his own decision instead of me doing it for him. I looked at the clock on my radio in the truck. It read 7:56 pm. It gave me two hours before Alice and Jasper got back. Unless Edward already called them or Alice had a vision of the break up and came home to comfort her brother.

Charlie and Renee entered my mind next. If chose an eternity with Edward then that meant I would have to give them up along with all my friends. It would be too dangerous for me to be around them as a new born. Once I finally gained enough control, I would still have to stay away because I couldn't explain to them how I didn't age. If I told Charlie and Renee the truth I know they would try to talk me out of it, but that wasn't the problem. The problem was that if the Volturi found out my parents knew they would make a meal out of them and I just couldn't let that happen.

The emotional part of my brain took over full force and my eyes filled up with salty tears. As I reached my sleeve over my eyes I didn't see the car that was headed right for me. Before I could swerve everything went black.


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: All books and characters in the Twilight Saga are property of Stephenie Meyer.**

Chapter Three

When I finally came to I was surprised to see my body mangled on the street with a beautiful bronze-haired boy dry-sobbing over my body. I wanted so much to run over to him and comfort for him, but I knew that it would be impossible consider I was now only an apparition. If I touched him he would not even feel it.

"When will you two ever learn," a soft voice pulled me out of my thoughts of despair. I turned my head to look behind me to see where the voice was coming from. A beautiful bronze-haired woman with emerald green eyes was staring back at me.

I gasped, "Elizabeth Masen." She smiled at me and nodded.

Just as I was about to ask her what was going on and why I didn't cross over to the other side; I heard an ear piercing roar. I knew that it was from Edward. I reluctantly turned my head to see the mess that I caused. I was being punished for leaving an angel and this was my own personal hell. Right now an eternity of flames and torture was looking pretty damn good.

I acknowledge Elizabeth who was still standing behind me. She placed her hand on my right shoulder. I looked at her with agony in my eyes. "I am being punished aren't I? You must really hate me. I broke your son." She just shook her head.

I clenched my fists and spat in frustration, "How can you not hate me? Look over there," I pointed over at Edward. He was crunch down in ball rocking back and forth saying my name over and over again as if it would bring me back to life if he said it enough times. "He is in complete agony. I broke your son. He is broken beyond repair, because I was stupid enough to believe that leaving him would keep him and his adoptive family safe from danger. I made the same mistake he made with me. The only thing I have done is ripped out his heart," I proclaimed as I trembled out each word.

I saw from the corner of my eye a black Mercedes pull up. I knew that it was Carlisle. I looked back at Elizabeth.

She opened her mouth to say something, but was soon shushed when I heard Carlisle begging Edward to let him examine me.

"Carlisle, she is dead and I didn't save her. I couldn't save her. It is all my fault!" Edward spat at Carlisle.

Carlisle placed his hand on Edward's shoulder in a futile attempt to comfort him. Edward just shook it off. "Please Edward, let me check her pulse."

This time Edward was on his feet look at Carlisle on face level. "Don't you think I already tried that? Remember I have two medical degrees myself. She is dead! My angel is dead and she is not coming back! I just wish she knew how much I loved her," Edward's face fell even low when he murmured out the last part, "even though she didn't love me back."

Carlisle was taken back by that last comment. I could feel my nonexistent heart being ripped apart. My mind remembered those awful words I said to him not even an hour ago. Once again I looked at his mother. This time she was looking at me with love in her eyes. How could she possibly love a monster like me after the pain I caused her son? Before I could ask my attention was diverted back to Carlisle and Edward.

"What do you mean she didn't love you?" Carlisle inquired.

Edward took an unnecessary deep breath. "Bella broke up with me today, telling me that she didn't want to be with me anymore. Please don't hate her," how is it possible for such a selfless creature to exist? "She was trying to let me down easily," he gulped, "she told me that she was afraid of becoming a vampire. Who could blame her right? Then I told her that she could stay human and we could still be together. She explained to me why that wouldn't work and I being my selfish self just continued to keep on pressing her. Instead of bowing out graciously, I drove her to use those hateful words against me."

I let out a scream of frustration and I was soon in the arms of my love's birth mother being comforted. I didn't deserve such comfort. I abruptly pulled out of her arms. I hate this seeing my love blame himself for damage I caused him and being comforted by his mother. Why can't anyone see such a horrible monster I was? Edward was wrong – I am the monster.

"Bella, you need to listen to me," Elizabeth commanded. "There is a reason why you haven't crossed over to the other side."


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: All books and characters in the Twilight Saga are property of Stephenie Meyer.**

Chapter Four

"I know I am being punished by having to watch Edward's pain and suffering. Why can't I do anything about it?" I didn't even hear Carlisle call the ambulance. I no longer wanted to look over at my mangled, dead body.

She shook her head once again. "No you aren't being punished. You are getting your eternity with him."

"I don't understand. If I am getting my eternity with him then why aren't I live or a vampire like him?"

"Bella, your number was up since the first day you met my son in biology on that fateful day. Instead of killing you he resisted the urge and ran to Alaska. Eventually he came back and despite his efforts to stay away from you he fell in love with you. When Edward failed to kill you other creatures and humans were sent to do the job, but each time Edward was there to save you. Except when my son foolishly left you thinking you would be safe from danger, that is when your best friend Jacob Black and his pack protected you."

"I don't understand. Are you saying I am supposed to dead?"

"You are dead aren't you?"

"And that whole time I have just been dodging fate."

"There is one fate you didn't dodge though." I gave her a look of confusion. She continued, "If my son didn't leave for Alaska that day and did attempt to kill you he still would have failed and then you would have been a vampire. You are exactly what my son needs. You are his true other half. In order for you two to truly be together you both need to be dead."

"But he could do so much better than a plain Jane looking girl like me," I swallowed.

"No he couldn't. Not when he can read the mind of every creature except for yours Isabella Swan. Your closed mind is what opened him up and humbled him. Your courage, altruistic and loving nature is what gave my son hope. There will never be another for him nor truly another for you."

"What am I supposed to do? He can't hear me nor can he see me."

"Show him how much you love him."

"How?" I enraged in frustration.

"Bella, you need to figure out how to open up your mind to him and then he will be able to see and hear you. I am sorry. I can't tell you how to do that. You need to learn that on your own."

"But I thought you said that my close mind is what made us destined for each other."

"Now it is time to open up your mind though." With those last words she left ignoring my pleas for her to come back.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: All books and characters in The Twilight Saga are property of Stephenie Meyer.**

Chapter Five

When Edward finally left with Alice who came with Jasper in her yellow Porsche so that she could drive Edward home since he was in no state to be driving I followed. Of course I would have followed by my own free will, but something much stronger was controlling my 'legs.' I knew wherever Edward would be is where I would be. I wouldn't have many objections with this most of time, but I needed to check on Charlie, Renee, Jacob, and Angela. I had to see how my death was hurting my other loved ones. I needed to know if I could lessen the pain just a little by being there. Maybe if I got lucky their subconscious would know I was there watching them and it would give them some piece of mind.

Edward sat on his couch staring off into space. I knew he would be crying now if he could. I walked up to him and lightly brushed my finger to his cheek. I held in a little bit of hope that he would be able to feel me. At this moment I really wished that he could get into my mind. He needed to know how much I loved him.

Edward looked up to the ceiling and sighed, "Bella, oh my Bella why did you leave me?"

I knew it. He couldn't tell that I was here. If only I knew how to open my mind up to him. I had to keep on trying until he was able to get into my mind. My closed mind which was once a blessing became the greatest curse bestowed upon me.

I sat down next to him on the couch while he was still completely oblivious that I was right next to him. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I shut myself out from my physical surroundings and completely concentrated on my mind. I repeated over and over in my "open" like it was some kind of mantra then when I sure it would work I concentrated on Edward's mind and told him I loved him and that I was sorry for leaving him.

I opened my eyes to see if there was in change in him yet. He was still the same - I knew my second attempt that failed as well. While I was still facing him I placed a kiss on his lips. I noticed a small flicker of light in his eyes after I pulled away. He got up off the couch and looked around. Did he know it was me? Or did he just pull this off as a breeze coming in from an open window?

He picked a photograph of us off of his table and lightly touched my face with his finger. "Oh Bella, how can I stay in this world without you? When you left you took my happiness with you?"

"Oh Edward, don't you see as long as you are in this world I will be with you in whatever form that maybe?" I knew he couldn't hear me, but I just had to say it. I was so frustrated that he couldn't hear me. I am not sure if he thought my kiss was just a breeze or if maybe he was just protecting himself and didn't want to get his hopes up.

There was a soft knock on the door. Edward lightly mumbled come in. Alice came in and got down her knees before her brother. She lightly touched his cheek. "Edward, I miss her so much." She started to dry sob.

I gulped. I missed her too. I would even miss her torturous shopping sprees and makeovers. I would go through a thousand makeovers courtesy of Alice Cullen if it meant I got to be with my family again.

Edward looked at her with sorrow in his eyes, "Alice, I should of… I mean if only I had… I didn't protect her." He dry sobbed into his hands.

"I am so sorry Edward. I should have saw that she was going to crash, but Bella was torn. She couldn't make up her mind on what she was going to do. One minute she wanted to leave and then the next-" Alice stopped abruptly.

Alice please tell him. I need Edward to know that I never stopped loving him. I begged in my head.

"The next what Alice? What you are hiding from me? Why are you blocking your mind?" he demanded.

Alice stood up and just shook her head. She turned around to leave, but before she got out of the room, Edward grabbed her arm and forcefully turned her around to look at him.

His eyes were pitch black. This wasn't due to thirst, but to anger. He was angry that Alice was hiding some from him. I was too, because I knew what she was hiding. I know she was just trying to protect her brother, but he needs to know the truth. I don't want him thinking that I don't love him.

"Dammit Alice tell me."

She just shook her head with agony in her eyes. This time when she left he didn't follow her. Instead what he did next shocked me. I knew he had a temper, but I wasn't prepared for anything like this. This was different he didn't break anything. No instead he picked up the picture of use once again and then he started yelling.

"Bella! Why didn't you stay away? I told you I was monster. Why did it take you so damn long to realize that? Why did you have to die? We were supposed to be together forever! Bella! I am sorry. Oh please forgive me. I can't stand being in this lonely pathetic world if you aren't there with me." He dry sobbed through his screams.

Oh what have I done? "Bella, look at the mess you made," I screamed at myself. Edward Cullen needed me, but I was too damn stubborn to realize that. Here I actually thought that he would make it through without me. How could I be so dumb? Edward attempted suicide when he thought I was dead before. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Now he was crouched down on the floor while he dry sobbed, clutching our photograph to his chest as he rocked back in forth mumbling incoherently. Once again I reached to touch him, but this time it was hair I touched. I knew he couldn't feel me, but I had to try to comfort him. I just couldn't sit here and watch while he was in so much agony.

I was completely oblivious to the fact that Esme was now in the room with her hands around Edward in a futile attempt to comfort.

The grief in Esme eyes was very apparent I was like another daughter to her and she was my second mother. I swallowed. I missed her so much. Oh how I wish I could still talk to them and let them know that I am alright. I hate to see everyone in so much pain over me.

Edward didn't respond to his mother. Instead he became the empty shell I was when he left me that one time. I crouched down to look into his eyes. There were still his normal topaz color, but all the depth he had was gone.

I sighed, "Oh Edward, please tell me how to help you."


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER: All books and characters in The Twilight Saga are property of Stephenie Meyer.**

Chapter Six

It has been two weeks since I passed away. The funeral was three days after my death. All the Cullens Edward included came, ergo, I was able to attend my own funeral. I have to say that seeing myself in that coffin was just a tad on the eerie side. I recognized so many faces. It was both surprising and comforting to know so many people loved and cared about me, even Lauren Mallory showed up.

I was just happy that people that I loved all showed up. My mother was crying into Phil's shoulder. My father was sitting next to Billy Black crying while Billy put comforting hand on his arm. Jacob was outside of the church standing in the shadows. He looked reluctant to come in, it was like he was holding on to some type of hope that if he didn't see my corpse that there might be hope for me yet.

Carlisle ensured the tribe that I was one hundred percent dead and that Edward nor any other vampire for that matter did not bite me. Sam was suspicious that this funeral might just be cover up for me wanting to join the Cullens.

Edward even told Sam in an emotionless voice that I had left him and that I changed my mind about becoming a vampire. Upon hearing this news Jacob who came back right after my death, responded in a way that even shocked me. He yelled at Edward for not changing me sooner. Jacob, who once told me that he would rather have me dead than become a vampire, was pissed off at Edward for not changing me. Jacob just kept on repeating over and over again to himself, "she might have been a leech, but at least I would know she was out there somewhere."

Edward just stood there and took it. He didn't even have to strength to fit back in anymore. He did not even utter one witty remark back at Jacob. I had to wonder if Edward regretted not changing me earlier. I knew that could not be it, because he believed me when I lied about changing my mind. What he doesn't know is that we got our eternity together; we just have this disastrous communication problem in our way.

Eventually I lost interest in my own funeral. The tears got to be too much. Edward was staring off into space. He like Jacob would not even look at my body. Edward did make it to the pews though. He was sitting right next to Alice who was squeezing her hand to let him know that she was here for him. He didn't respond to her hand or to anyone's touch for that matter. It was like everything that made up Edward besides his physical body was gone.

When he left me he took with him everything that made me me and left behind my shell of a body. I had to wonder is that what he was feeling right now. Was that part of Edward with me?

Once again we were in his room. He lay on the bed this time. Unbeknown to him I laid myself down beside him. He had his face pointed in my direction. I gently slid my finger across his cheek. He still hasn't been able to feel me and he hasn't put anymore thought in that time I kissed him. I haven't tried again.

My lips craved his though. Even though the last time I kissed him was nothing like our kisses when were alive I still felt a spark. It wasn't a physical spark, but a completely emotional spark. He turned over on his back. I scooted up so that I was leaning over him. He sighed and combed his fingers threw his hair. "Bella," he muttered my name. A small smile hit my lips. Then I was overcome with frustration, I wanted so much to tell him that I was right here next to him.

I placed my head on his dead heart. I knew that I would never hear a heart beat, but it was comforting to be this close to him. I close my eyes as I reminisced on all of our happy times together. Memories flashed threw my mind. I wish so much right now that I could cry. I should have never played the hero. I lost everything and hurt the most important person to me ever. I know Elizabeth said I could fix this, but I was not sure how.

Nothing I had tried has seemed to work yet. It has been two weeks. I couldn't give up though. Edward needed me and I was not going to leave him.

"Bella, I love you." He whispered. For a moment there I thought he was talking to me and not himself.

I responded with, "Edward, I love you too." Oh how I wish I didn't die with him thinking that I hated him. I loved him so much. He closed his eyes and a small smile manipulated his lips.

The next words he said made me gasp, "I know." I held my hand over my mouth in shock. He heard me, he actually heard me, more than that he actually knew the truth. Then my face fell… maybe he was just responding to someone else's thoughts.

He crossed his eyes. "Oh don't be absurd Edward," he chastised himself, "Bella crossed over to the other side. She is in Heaven now. You didn't hear her voice. All this grieving is causing you to lose your mind." He reasoned with himself.

Oh no. He didn't believe that I was actually here with him. Edward I never left this world I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I knew it wouldn't do any good. Was this the exact internal dialogue he had when I kissed him? I was overcome by defeat. My shoulders dropped and I went to sit on the black leather couch. Why did the difficult have to become even more difficult?


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER: All books and characters in The Twilight Saga are property of Stephenie Meyer**.

Chapter Seven

It has been three weeks since my demise and Edward has not left his room once. Not even to hunt. His eyes were now coal black and I was worried about the amount of discomfort he was facing. I could tell that he was slowly starting to get weaker.

He lay on his black leather couch staring at the ceiling has he counted the tiles. As I was walking to kneel down besides him there was a knock on the door. Edward mumbled go away.

"I do not care," proclaimed Edward. Whoever was at the other side of the door was obviously talking to Edward through his mind. I am guessing it was Carlisle. I heard a sigh at the other end of the door and then the knob turned.

My suspicions were correct. It was Carlisle. Edward reluctantly sat up and Carlisle joined him on the couch. Carlisle took a deep breath before proceeding, "Edward, look I can not even begin to fathom what you are going through. If it would have been Esme that left this world, I can imagine that I would be in the exact same state that you are in. Edward, however, you know Bella would want you take care of yourself."

Edward violently shook his head. "She stopped loving me. Actually maybe she never really loved me. Perhaps those emotions Jasper was feeling was for someone else. Now when she is in heaven she must really hate me, because I couldn't even save her."

Carlisle put his hand up to motion for Edward to stop. "You don't honestly believe she was telling you the truth when you two split up do you?"

I look down at the floor in shame and hurt. How could Edward believe so easily that I didn't love him? I knew how. It was the exact same way I believed him in the past and how Edward considers himself a monster.

Now Edward was pacing the room. "But it makes perfect sense. Carlisle, I am soulless monster. How can she someone as good, beautiful, and kind as Bella ever love me?"

"Look Edward, I know have always let you believe as you wish. Just remember this though, you are not the one that determines who has a soul and who does not."

"Well neither are you Carlisle," he shot back.

Carlisle was now standing. "Yes you are correct, but however I am not spending the rest of my existence wallowing in self pity."

Edward's fists were now clenched by his side. This is the first time I have ever seen Edward act this way around Carlisle. "Dammit I just lost the love of my existence. Excuse me if I am upset." He said through clenched teeth.

"Edward, I am not chastising you for being upset. I am telling you that this self-hatred has got to come to an end. It is not your fault that Bella passed away. Regardless if you have a soul or not, does not mean that you have to spend the rest of your existence in so much agony. Look, I know you will never be the same as you were when in Bella was still alive, but don't make it any harder on yourself. Please, I love you, we all do and it pains us to you see this way,"

A small smile found its way across my lips. I am so glad that Carlisle had this talk with Edward. I hope to show him my gratitude if there is ever a chance I will get to talk to him again.

Edward plopped down on his couch and looked up at Carlisle. "I know I love you all too."

"Well what do you say about hunting then? It has been three weeks and your eyes are saying that you are thirsty."

Before I knew it all three of us were both out Edward's bedroom which had been the first time in three weeks since my funeral.


	8. Chapter 8

D**ISCLAIMER: All books and characters in the Twilight Saga are property of Stephenie Meyer.**

Chapter 8

Carlisle decided to take Edward deep within the Olympic Mountains to go hunting. I remember as if it were yesterday Edward explaining to me the reason why I could not go along with him and his family on one of their hunting trips. When they hunted they gave themselves completely over to their senses, me as human that would surely mean my death.

Edward who preferred hunting alone went his own way away from Carlisle. I followed him as he ran through the forest. This time without having my human body to weigh me down I was able to follow close behind. All of the sudden we came across a large buck. I know he preferred predators to the herbivores, but he was thirsty right now that he wasn't going to let this meal pass him by.

He crouched down behind a bush and then as the buck was getting himself a tasty snack on some berries; Edward pounced and bit right into his neck. Then he started to drink. A million thoughts went right through my head at the moment. I could hardly look down on Edward, because this is what he needs to do in order to survive. I am just happy that he listened to Carlisle and is taking care of himself. I prefer this alternative to the other.

As he continued to drink I decided to give him some privacy even though he couldn't see me, so I turned my head away. Eventually the swallowing noises stopped. Then I heard that wonderful musical voice that I love so much.

"Bella," he said with shock in his voice. I turned around. He was staring right at me with his mouth right open. If I had a heart right now it would be pounding fiercely. He reached at touch me, but his arm went right through.

"I don't understand," he declared. I gave him a small smile and mouthed the words I love you.

Then he fell to the ground. "Bella, I was so afraid you hated me." I shook my head no. I could never hate him. "Why are you still here? You were supposed to be in heaven."

I opened my mouth to speak. "Remember when you said you couldn't exist in a world where I don't exist? Well it is the exact same thing for me, but it is very literally."

"Bella speak up. I can't hear you," he confessed. My face fell. I got over the first obstacle of having him see me, but now he can't hear me. I growled in frustrated.

I shrugged my shoulders to show him that I didn't know what was wrong. He nodded showing that he understood. "Come with me," he demanded, "we need to tell Carlisle." Of course I followed I had no choice.

I was not sure if Carlisle could see me or not. Perhaps only Edward could see me. It would be nice if only he could see me, but on the other hand if no one else could see me then they would think Edward was only losing his mind.

After running for about three minutes we finally caught up to Carlisle. Edward tried to catch his unneeded breath before he began to talk. "Carlisle, look who I found." Carlisle just gave him a quizzical look as he looked around the forest, to see if he spotted anyone. I knew it only Edward could see me. This might not be good.

"Edward, I don't see anyone."

"What do you mean you don't see anyone!" he growled in frustration.

"There is no one there."

Edward pointed to the left of him where I stood. "Bella is right next to me."

Carlisle gave him a look of sympathy. "Oh Edward."

"Don't oh Edward me. I don't need your sympathy and I am not crazy. Bella is right here next to me."

"Edward I never said you were crazy," Carlisle said defensively.

"You didn't have to, it was written all over your face," spat Edward.

Then he turned on his heels and ran. I am not sure where we ended up, but I knew we were still in the mountains.


	9. Chapter 9

**DISCLAIMER: All books and characters in The Twilight Saga are property of Stephenie Meyer**.

Chapter Nine

Some how we ended up in a deserted cabin. The windows were all broken. There was glass every where. If I was still alive Edward would have never brought me here. The stove in the kitchen was covered in grease and there was a pot sitting on one of the front burners with water still in it. Leaves and dirt covered the floor and I could swear I saw something rather large crawl across the floor. I am guessing this is the first time Edward has ever been here. He prefers his areas to be nice and tidy.

With his back towards me he stared out the front window. I walked up to him and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. He let out a sigh and turned to face me. "Bella…"

I looked into his beautiful eyes to let him know that I was listening. He reached to gently caress my cheek. His fingers went right through me. A frown over took his face. "This must be my punishment for falling in love with an angel," he murmured to himself.

He turned his face away from me. I turned my head so that it was positioned beneath his and gave him a shock looked. How could he possibly think that? I just wish there was a way he could hear me. "Edward," I tried one more time. He didn't hear me.

I remember Elizabeth telling me that I needed to learn how to let him into my mind. My eyes bore into his eyes and then a concentrated like I have never done in my complete existence. I made the perfect recipe for my goal. I knew what I wanted. I dared to get what I wanted. My will was strong. No nay slayers were going to tell me that I couldn't do this.

For effect I closed my eyes and I reached out of my mind. I heard a loud noise that sounded like brick wall being blown up by cannon ball. A small smile flew across my lips. "Edward, I love you."

I opened my eyes to see his expression. I found him on the other side of the room looking completely flabbergasted. It worked. A sense of peace washed over me. "Bel-la," he stammered.

I laughed. "I have always loved you. When I broke up with you, I was just trying to protect you and your family – just like you did when you left me in the woods that day."

A million emotions came flooding across his face: shock, happiness, relief, sadness, and finally anger. "Oh Bella, you didn't need to protect me. Now you are dead. Look how that turned out," he spat with his fists clenched by his side.

I turned my head away in shame. He was right. My plans failed. After I gained the courage I turned to face him. "Edward, please believe me. I know I was wrong. I was just so scared, that if you bit me then the pack would have hurt your family and you."

"Yes, Bella I remember your excuses. I still don't understand why you lied to me though. Do you have any idea the hell I have been through since you died? Don't worry I have no plans on going to Volterra." The distance between us was too great now.

I took a few steps closer to him - once when I was about half way to my destination, him, I stopped not wanting to scare him off. "I completely know. Edward I was with you the entire time. I can't leave your side. Ever. Wherever you go, I have to follow. I have no choice."

He shook his head furiously in disbelief. "No. No." He pounded his fists against the wall. "You are supposed to be in heaven," he said more to himself than me.

"Didn't I tell you that my definition of hell is being somewhere were you don't exist."

He looked up at me. "Bella, you deserve so much better than this. I already ruined your life. I don't want to ruin your afterlife."

I gave him a scouring look. "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, don't you think for a moment that you ruined my life. You made my life so much better. Before you came into my world, I didn't have much a life. You brought me happiness and joy. Like I told you before you gave me the greatest gift of all and that was you. Just like I didn't want a life without you, I don't want an after life with you either."

For the first time in weeks I saw my favorite crooked grin.


	10. Chapter 10

**DISCLAIMER: All books and characters in The Twilight Saga are property of Stephenie Meyer.**

Chapter Ten

We were now downstairs back at the Cullens' mansion. Edward was reluctant to tell the rest of his family that he could see and now hear me after the way Carlisle acted when they were hunting. Jasper gave him an odd look, I am sure he could pick up on all the excitement that was coming from Edward.

All of the sudden Edward's shoulders dropped and his stance became more relaxed. He shot Jasper an annoyed look. "Edward, what were you so happy about?" inquired Jasper.

Edward ran his hand with his hair. "Jasper, do I always need a reason to be happy? Can't I just be happy?"

Now Alice stood right next to Jasper. Rosalie and Emmett were on the couch facing Edward. Esme came out from the kitchen to see what the fuss was about. Alice looked at Edward and frowned. "Edward, you just lost Bella not that long ago. If you want to be upset it is okay," she reassured him, "Jasper is getting better at dealing with your emotions."

"That is right Edward, if gets to be too much for me Alice and I will just take off for a few months or however long you need. Please don't suppress the unpleasant emotions for our sakes."

I placed my ghastly hand inside of his hand. He looked down at my hand and smiled. I am not sure if his family caught on when he looked down at my hand or if it was the perfect separation of his fingers which indicating he was holding hands with someone.

Esme put her hand to her mouth and gasped. Rosalie and Emmett looked at each other in disbelief. Jasper looked that Edward like he was trying to find a certain emotion. Alice just smiled.

Finally someone spoke. "Edward, what are you looking at?" asked Emmett.

Edward still looking at our hands, smiled and said, "The hand of my love."

They all gasped in unison except for Alice, who was still smiling as bright as the sun. Soon they were whispering to one another. I could still not hear them, but I know Edward could. He looked completely oblivious to what they were saying. He was too wrapped up in us to even care.

Esme placed a motherly hand on her son's shoulder. "Edward, Bella is dead. Don't you remember we went to her funeral?," she broke out, "You were the one that found her body on the highway after the accident." If she could cry she would be right now.

Edward turned to look at her. "Of course I remember, but Bella is still here with me. "

A light bulb went off in Esme's mind and she smiled, "Of course she is still with you, dear. She is right here," she pointed to his heart.

Edward let out an exasperated sigh. "Don't you understand? She didn't pass over to the other side."

Emmett let out a laugh. Esme shot him a warning glare. He soon shut up. "Are you saying she is a ghost, Edward?"

Edward nodded. "She told me that she can go where I go. She can't leave this earth unless I do." Everyone let out a panic filled gasp. "Don't worry though I promised Bella after what happened in Italy that I would never do anything like that again."

Rosalie got up off the couch and now was standing in front of Edward. "You aren't lying are you?," she asked in a voice filled with sisterly concerned.

Edward shook his head. "I first saw her when I was done drinking from a deer. I could only see her to begin with. I couldn't hear. It wasn't until we were in some deserted cabin that I was able to hear her. I am not sure what happened," he looked at me, "I will have to ask her later. Anyways, when I told Carlisle he didn't believe me. I took off in fit of rage."


	11. Chapter 11

**DISCLAIMER: All the book and characters in The Twilight Saga are property of Stephenie Meyer.**

Chapter Eleven

Esme lovingly rubbed Edward's shoulder. "I am so sorry dear. He probably did not want to believe it. He loved Bella like a daughter you know."

Edward glanced up at his mother and smiled. "I know Esme, if I was him I would not have believed me neither."

Alice walked in front of Edward. "Edward, can I ask Bella a question."

He looked at me for approval. I nodded.

"She says yes," he answered as he turned to face Alice.

Alice smiled. "Bella, what is being a ghost like?"

I laughed. Then I got serious. "It is very lonely. It was horrible the first few weeks when I had to watch all the agony Edward went through each second. I wanted so much to reach out and comfort him. Every attempt I made was futile until Edward saw me when he just finished drinking from a deer."

Edward repeated what I said word for word to the whole family.

Esme's face fell. "Poor dear, having to watch the one you love in so much agony… Bella your strength never ceases to amaze me."

"Edward, tell Esme thank you, and that I love and miss her." I commanded.

Edward smiled. "Esme, Bella says thank you, and she loves and misses you."

Esme would be crying now if she could. Just then Emmett spoke up. "Bella, did you meet any famous dead people,?" he laughed.

I had a flashback of my meeting with Elizabeth. I still hadn't told Edward that I met his birth mother.

"Edward," I hestitated, "after the accident I talked to your mother."

Edward looked at me dumbfounded. "What did she say?"

"What did who say?" demanded Emmett.

Edward raised his hand to silence his brother. "Bella, please go on before Emmett just rudely interrupted."

"She chastised us for never learning. Then she told me I was getting my eternity with you and that I am bound to follow you wherever you go. She explained that my number has been up for a long time and that you were supposed to bite me on that day I first sat next to you in biology. Then when you did not bite me other people and situations were sent to finish the job, but each time someone saved me. I am supposed to be dead. She told me that I was exactly what you needed Edward and the only way I could completely be with you is if I was dead in some way. I suppose once I made up my mind not to become a vampire, fate took over and killed me. The irony though is now that I am dead the only way to communicate with you was to finally open my mind to you. I am still not one hundred percent sure how I pulled that one off."

"Bella, my mother has been watching me… I mean us this entire time?"

I nodded my head.

"And she doesn't think I am monster?" Edward asked on the verge of dry sobs.

I shook my head and light rubbed his cheek with his finger, which went right through him. "Edward, the last thing she thinks of you as is a monster. She still loves you very much. She never told me this, but I do not think she regrets her decision on asking Carlisle to save you."

Edward smiled at me. Then he turned to face Emmett. He explained the situation in much detail as possible. Alice wore a smug I-told-you-so look on her face while the rest of the family gasped in disbelief.

Rosalie spoke up next, "Bella, look I know I did not agree with you choice to become a vampire, but I really miss you. Yes I was jealous of you and I never liked you. I am really sorry for that, but what you gave my brother was irreplaceable. I am just so happy that you are back in his and our lives.," her face fell, "It is just so sad that you two can never be physically intimate with each other."

A sense of joy came over me. Those words come from Rosalie meant a lot to me. "Thank you Rosalie. I can not touch Edward without my hand going through his body, but when I kiss his lips my lips don't go through."

Edward looked at me wide-eyed. "Bella, the other day not long after you died, that was you kissing me?"

I smiled and nodded.

"What is going on?" asked Rosalie.

"It seems that Bella and I can still have some physical intimacy. It seems very strange though. Hopefully when Carlisle gets home, he will believe me this time and he will have some theories on the subject," Edward explained.

A/N: There is the next chapter. If things go according to plan, I should have the next chapter ready tomorrow.


	12. Chapter 12

DISCLAIMER: All books and characters in the Twilight Saga are property of Stephenie Meyer.

Chapter Twelve

Three hours later Carlisle returned home. Esme met him at the door with a kiss on the check. "Dear, come into the living room with me. We have much to discuss," she revealed.

Carlisle curiously looked towards the living room before following behind Esme. When he got to the living room he noticed how everyone was huddled around Edward. "What is going on?" he inquired.

"We are having a family reunion," Alice winked.

Carlisle turned to face his wife and gave her a quizzical look.

Esme took a deep breath before answering, "Do you remember what Edward told you while you were hunting?"

Carlisle pondered for a few seconds before answering, "Edward," he said as he turned to face him, "I am sorry that I offended you, but I do not see how it is possible for you to have seen Bella."

Edward smirked.

"It's just about as possible as it is for an almost four hundred year old vampire to exist, right Carlisle?" Emmett joked.

Carlisle put his hands up in defeat. "All right you got me there. It is still not fair to Edward to get his hopes up like this."

"Dear," Esme addressed her husband. He turned to look at her. "Bella is her with Edward and I do not mean just in his memories or his heart. She is here in person."

Carlisle tilted his head as he went deep into thought. "Edward, what exactly has Bella told you?"

Edward closed his eyes and then reopened them looking directly at Carlisle. "Do you believe me now?"

"I can not say that I believe you, but I am willing to open my mind up to the possibility. I do have to admit that if vampires and werewolves can exist than so can a ghost."

"Fair enough," Edward replied, "Bella told me that after she died she talked with my mother… Elizabeth. Mother told her basically in so many words that connection between us runs too deep. Bella and I are connected to each other in every way possible, wherever I go she follows. It is an automatic response."

Carlisle smiled. "I always knew the love between you two was strong. I just never realized the strength of it," Carlisle's usual calm demeanor was over come with anxiety.

Jasper picking up on Carlisle's change of emotion automatically sent him some calming waves. Carlisle smiled in Jasper's direction in appreciation for the gesture.

"Carlisle, what is wrong?" Esme asked afraid to her his answer.

"I think it is best we keep this information between us. Edward I am not ready to completely believe it yet, but the more I think about it the more it seems very possible."

"I was not planning on telling anyone else, but Carlisle something more is bothering you." Edward remarked.

Carlisle sighed. "Do you remember Marcus of the Volturi?"

Edward nodded.

"I am sure you are aware that he lost his wife many, many years ago."

"Yes, but what does that have to do with Bella and me?"

"Edward, Marcus does not have the advantage that you have with still being able to have Bella in your life. Marcus is a man that usually has no problem with keeping his temper in check, but the jealous he may feel in response of hearing about Bella and you may push him over the edge."

All of the sudden I felt scared for my family, especially Edward. Edward sensing my apprehension, mouthed the words 'I love you' to me. I smiled back at him.

"That also means Edward you need to stay away from the Volturi and their guards. If Alice has any visions of them coming to pay us another visit for whatever reason I want you to automatically leave without any opposition," Carlisle continued.

"Edward," I said getting his attention, "please don't be stubborn. Please listen to Carlisle. I do no want anything to happen to you."

He sighed and nodded at me before answering Carlisle, "Of course I will not cause you or anyone else in the family any grief when it comes to the Volturi and their guards."

Carlisle clapped his hands together. "Now that we got the negativity out of the way, would you mind if I ask Bella a few questions Edward?"

Edward searched for my approval. I gave it to him.


	13. Chapter 13

DISCLAIMER: All books and characters in the Twilight Saga are property of Stephenie Meyer.

Chapter Thirteen

"Edward where is Bella?" Carlisle asked.

Edward pointed to where I sat besides him on the couch. Carlisle stood in front of me. "This might seem a bit strange but when I am talking to someone regardless if I can see them or not I like to be facing them," he explained.

Everyone stared at Carlisle waiting for him to continue. He cleared his throat before speaking, "Bella why did it take you so long to make contact with Edward?"

I closed my eyes remembering all the frustration I went through not being able to comfort Edward. "I couldn't" I replied shortly.

Edward tilted his head towards me. "Bella, would you like me to explain to Carlisle what happened?"

I nodded my head. Edward explained in great detail exactly what happened from when I crashed my truck to when Edward first saw me and everything in between.

Carlisle placed his hand upon his chin as he pondered. "Bella do you understand why you are able to feel Edward when you kiss him, but not when you reached out to comfort him?"

"No," I admitted.

Edward gave Carlisle my reply. Carlisle started to pace the floor back in forth. "Bella, what were you thinking when you wanted to touch Edward and when you kissed him?"

I looked up towards the ceiling as I pulled those memories to the front of my mind. "When I tried to touch Edward I was concentrating on comforting him, but when I kissed him I was concentrating more on the act than the outcome of the act."

Edward once more repeated what I said to Carlisle. "It makes perfect sense," Carlisle said mostly to himself. "Bella, right now without a physical body you have to rely more on the power of your mind. When you failed at touching Edward it was because your mind was already using all its energy at comforting Edward. The desire of wanting to comfort Edward was not specific enough to get your request. The success you had from kissing came from the fact that your mind was concentrating on the act instead of the outcome of the act like you stated."

I smiled at Edward. It all made perfect sense now. Edward spoke up now, "Carlisle will Bella be able to learn how to gain more control of her mind?"

Carlisle sighed. "Yes, but it will take some practice. Bella if you do not mind I would like to try some exercises with you," he requested.

I nodded my head in agreement. Edward delivered my message.

AN: Sorry for the super, short chapter.


	14. Chapter 14

**DISCLAIMER: All books and characters in the Twilight Saga are property of Stephenie Meyer.**

Chapter Fourteen

"Bella please stand in front of Edward," requested Carlisle.

I stood in front of Edward. "Now," Carlisle continued, "I want you to concentrate all your energy on touching one of Edward's arms." I closed my eyes and focused all of my energy on touching Edward's right arm. After a couple of minutes Carlisle asked Edward if he felt anything. He shook his head no. The rest of the family all stood around us in anticipation.

I tried a few more times no attempt was more anymore successful than the first. I even tried using different arms. After two hours, I swung my arms up in frustration. "Bella calm down. You will get it," Edward tried to assure me.

"Bella the likelihood of this happening over night is slim. From what Edward told me, I am guessing when you were able to kiss him, reveal yourself to him, and to finally speak to him that your desire reached its peak."

When I first kissed Edward all I could think about was feeling his lips again. I wanted nothing more than to be able to comfort him with my own 'lips.' When he finally saw me I think it was, because he gave himself over to his senses and it separated the barrier between us. When I was finally able to speak to him I concentrated all of my energy on my goal. I knew what I wanted, I dared to go after it, and I willed myself to have it.

Edward broke me out of my deep thoughts, "Bella is something wrong?"

I shook my head no. "What Carlisle says makes perfect sense. I do really want to be able to touch you… I don't know maybe I have performance anxiety or something," I laughed. Edward repeated my message to Carlisle.

Carlisle stroked his chin. "Well why don't we call it a night? Bella I would like to do this again tomorrow, but it will only be with the three of us."

As Alice was about to speak up the phone rang. "Cullen residence," answered Emmett. "Oh hi Charlie," if I still had a heart it would have stopped when I heard Charlie's name. Out of habit I attempted to swallow back the tears that would never come.

Edward looked at me with concern in his eyes. "Bella…"

"Edward, Charlie wants to talk to you," Emmett handed the phone to Edward.

"Well I am just living my life day by day. Some days it is minute by minute." Edward paced back in forth the length of the couch. "Charlie, do not feel bad about that. I deserved every bit of hostility you had towards me." He ran his hand through his hair. "I just understand. Yes I do love her. I always will." He stopped pacing and looked directly at me. "Yes I would be interested. I will see you tomorrow. Thank you for calling," with that he shut off the phone.

"What is going on?" I demanded.

"We are going to see your father tomorrow."

A/N: (Begs forgiveness for the ridiculously short chapter.) I had to crawl my way out of writer's block to write this chapter. I almost did not update at all. Do not fret though. The next chapter will be longer.


	15. Chapter 15

**DISCLAIMER: All books and characters in the Twilight Saga are property of Stephenie Meyer.**

Chapter Fifteen

I wasn't so sure if I could handle being in Charlie's house again. I was feeling quite nervous about it. Edward tried his best to comfort me by telling me everything would be okay. I told him not to worry about me and that I would be fine, of course that did nothing to ease him.

We sat parked outside Charlie's house in the Volvo. Edward's eyes asked at me if I was ready to go. I nodded. As we got closer to the house I could feel my anxiety began to rise. Would I be able to handle seeing Charlie? Seeing Edward go through all that pain was hard enough when he lost me? But Charlie lost his only child – me.

Edward knocked on the door. "Hold on," yelled Charlie from inside the house. I really wish I could cry. I needed that salt water release to calm me down. Edward picked up on my tension and gave me a reassuring smile. I was unable to return a smile. I was filled up with too much anxiety and dread.

I dreaded seeing what I did to Charlie. I knew I could not turn and run, because I was bound to follow Edward where ever he went. Even if I could run, I would not. I would stay and face the mess I caused.

None of it was at all fair, because if I made the choice I was destined to, Charlie still would have lost his child. It was so unfair. My being born caused so many innocent people pain. If only I could back in time and warn them not to get close to me. If only I could tell myself to run far away and never let anyone in, that way I could protect everyone I love from the pain they were bound to face one way or another.

Charlie opened the door. "Hello, Edward," he said surprisingly polite. That was not what surprised me though… everything that made Charlie Charlie had disappeared. His clothes were a complete mess. It looked like they hadn't been changed since… my funeral. That was the exact same suit he wore to my funeral. There were grease stains and spaghetti sauce all over his shirt. Buttons were missing from the cuffs. He wore only one sock and that was on his right foot. His hair looked liked it hadn't been washed and brushed in weeks. His eyes were the worst of all, they looked completely empty. They looked like my eyes looked when Edward left me and how Edward's eyes looked when he first heard of my death.

I let out a cry of anguish. Edward cringed at my scream.

He step inside and sat down by Charlie at the kitchen table. "Charlie…."

"No, Edward there is things I need to tell you. I know when you came back I gave you a hard time. I just could not take the chance that Bella would return to that empty shell. I was afraid that you would leave her. I was wrong and I am sorry. I did not understand how two people so young could love each other that strongly, but you did love her – and while I still don't understand why you left her. I know you must have a good reason for doing so. I don't expect you to tell me, but I just want to let you know that I am sorry for jumping conclusions. I think it is time to bury the hatchet now. Bella is dead and she isn't coming back. I lost my baby," Charlie sobbed.

Edward's eyes never left Charlie as he spoke and he remained completely silent. "Charlie, leaving Bella was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made, but it was not the worst. The worst mistake I made was when I did not follow Bella after she broke up with me," Oh no, Edward was beating himself up again for my stupid mistake. Why does he keep on insisting on taking responsibility for my mistakes?

"Bella broke up with you?" Charlie asked between sobs.

"Yes and if I would have followed her, she would not be dead," he choked out.

Charlie's crying became heavier as he hovered over the table with his head in his hands. "What happened? Why did she leave you? She loved you so much."

"It was my fault Charlie. I pushed her into marrying me. We were actually engaged a couple of weeks before she died. We were going to tell you when the time was right."

"I knew something like this might have happened," Charlie muttered under his breath. "What do you mean you pushed her into marriage?"

Edward sighed. "Bella always talked about how she wanted to be with me forever, but I did not trust her love for me. I played the marriage card. I thought if Bella really wanted to be with me forever then she would have no problem marrying me. I was wrong Bella did not want to marry me. Eventually she gave in though, when she realized I would only be with her forever if she could prove that she would commitment to me one hundred percent. You see Charlie I am very selfish person," he lied through his teeth.

I thought Charlie would have kicked Edward out after his revelation, but he just sat there in silence. "Why didn't you trust my daughter's love for you?"

"Because Charlie I hate myself. I am not trying to sound vain, but I hear I am exceptionally good-looking. Sometimes I feel like that is the only thing I have going for myself. The majority of the female population at Forks High wanted to date me and some even wanted to go further than that. All they were concerned about was my good looks and nothing else. They did not care about my personality. It was only pure physical attraction that got me noticed. I was not even attracted to any of those girls. I was not attracted to any girl until one day in biology a pale skin, full lipped, big chocolate brown eyed, brunette, clumsy girl became my lab partner. Bella and I used the time in biology to get to know each. I noticed how she always put everyone else in front of her and that caused me to fall in love with her. Bella was not like other girls, but I still could not understand how she could love someone like me. I assumed it was just a physical attraction like it was with all the other girls," he continued to lie.

"Thanks for being honest with me, Edward." I could not help but laugh at that. Edward was lying through his teeth, but he had no choice. He had to lie to protect his family and Charlie. If Charlie knew it would mean his death in one form or another.

"Charlie, thank you for this opportunity, I am glad that we are able to bury the hatchet like you said."

"Before you go Edward I wanted to know if there was something of Bella's that you would like to remember her by."

Edward smiled. He knew this was coming. He already heard it in Charlie's thoughts. "If it is alright I would like to have the rocking chair that is in her bedroom."

Charlie pondered it for a few minutes before finally answering, "Yes that will be fine. Will you be able to fit in your car?"

"I am sure I can find away."

We followed Charlie up to my old bedroom. All the memories of when I was alive started to become unbearable. Everything was exactly the way I left it since the last time I was in here. My blue blouse still lay on the floor next to my hamper. My bed was still unmade. My computer monitor was still on. The window was still open. My copy of Wuthering Heights was still lying open on the floor.

Edward picked up the rocking chair and followed Charlie down the stairs. When he reached the door he temporarily put the rocking chair down and shook Charlie's hand goodbye. As Charlie opened the door for him he said, "Edward this might seem strange, but when you are near me I feel closer to Bella. Would you like to maybe come over Friday night and watch the baseball game?" It was now Wednesday.

"I would be honored to Charlie," replied Edward.

Once he pulled away from the house I started pounding Edward with questions. First I wanted to know more about how Charlie was doing.

"How bad is Charlie really doing? Do not hold back."

"Bella, I-" he said using the voice he always used when he was hiding something from me.

"Edward I need to know. Stop worrying about trying to protect me. I am already dead," I spat out.

Edward knuckles became even whiter as he tightly gripped the steering wheel. "I know you are dead! I know that I will never be able to hold you again! I know that I will never be able to catch you again when you fall! I know that I will never be able to hold you while you sleep! I know that I will never be able to hum you to sleep with your lullaby!" he exclaimed as dry sobs racked his body.

I flinched. "Edward I am sorry. I just really need to know how Charlie is doing."

"You want to know the real reason I said, 'yes' to Charlie's invitation Friday night?" he shouted.

"Yes," I whispered fearing his answer.

"He is planning on killing himself. He is planning on shoot his brains out. I am going to provide an intervention," he spat out.

I gasped in horror. This could not be happening. Charlie could not kill himself. No, he needs to live. He needs to keep going on. I let out the loudest scream I could manage. If I couldn't cry my grief away then I would scream it away.

"Bella, you were everything to your father. If I would have stayed away from you like I was supposed to then this never would have happened. You would have been alive and Charlie would not be contemplating suicide," he rambled on.

I as I was about to speak up, I heard a familiar voice behind us filled with authority, "Edward Anthony Mason, Jr. that is enough." Edward slammed on the breaks bringing the car to an abrupt stop.

AN: This did not end up being as long as I hoped. It is four pages though. Which is pretty long for me, sorry if anyone is disappointed. This was a very hard chapter to write.


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: All books and characters in the Twilight Saga are property of Stephenie Meyer.**

Chapter Sixteen

Edward gasped as he glanced into the rearview mirror. As if checking to make sure he was not hallucinating he wiped his eyes. When he looked back in the mirror of course Elizabeth was still there. He slowly turned around at a snail's pace to check once again if his birth mother was really in the back seat.

"You are not hallucinating, my son. I am really here," she explained.

Edward was about to his open his mouth, but was silenced by his mother. "Do not speak. I only want you to listen to me, Edward. I mean really listen this time. I remember very clearly how stubborn you can be… For over one hundred years I have watched your self-loathing. I was watching when Dr. Cullen changed you. When you left and went on what you call 'your teenage rebellion period' I was viewing from the sidelines. When you finally came to your senses and went back to Carlisle and Esme; I was rejoicing. None of that compared to the happiness I felt when I knew that the one person who was meant for you came into your life. Edward there is a reason for your existence. The fact that you remain on this earth in your present form is proof that you are supposed to exist," declared Elizabeth stressing the last 'are.'

As I studied Edward's face I saw signs of shock, happiness, and melancholy. His eyes were full of heartbreak. He knew his mother would have to leave.

"One more thing before I leave, the world is made up of grays. Nothing in this world is black and white. Remember that next time you are inflicting emotional punishment on yourself for the mistakes you made in the past."

Only Edward and I remained in the car. His face was contorted into concentration. It looked like he was searching for something, like he was searching his mind for memories.

"Edward," I said trying to comfort him.

He leaned back against the seat and closed his eyes. "Bella, just give me some time to process this all."

Two hours later we were back at the mansion. Edward automatically went to search out Carlisle. He hasn't said a word since Elizabeth left. Jasper sent Edward some calming waves after feeling all the mixed emotions. Edward shot him a dirty look. He didn't want anyone altering with his emotions right now.

Carlisle sat behind the desk in his office. He looked up from his paperwork when we entered the room. "Is something wrong, Edward?"

Edward sat down in the front of the desk. "I saw my mother today… my birth mom, Elizabeth."

Carlisle put his hands behind his head and leaned back. "Did she say anything to you?"

Edward repeated the conversation to Carlisle word for word.

"Your mother always was an intelligent woman," Carlisle chuckled to himself. "She could have given your father a run for his money when it came to intelligence."

"I don't know how I am supposed to feel. I have all these emotions eating away at me. On one hand I am happy that I got to see my mother, but none another I am sad. It reminds me of everything I lost," he said while stared off into space. "After human memories fade, they are not supposed to come back to haunt us," he murmured to himself.

"Edward, your family has been telling you over and over again that you are not some soulless monster, but you are so set in your ways that you refuse to believe what we tell you. Our approach obviously wasn't working. If you ever want to be truly happy, you are going to have to change the way you look at yourself. Listen to your mother," with that Carlisle returned his eyes back to his paper work. Edward took this a cue to leave.

As he was about to open the door he turned around, "Charlie is planning on killing himself on Friday. He invited me to watch a baseball game. I will be going over there to do intervention."

Carlisle sent Edward a sympathetic look which was most likely meant for me. "Do you have anymore specific details?"

"He is planning on shooting in himself in the head. He wants to wait until Friday, because wants some time to say his last goodbyes. While I was there his mind was filled with memories of the will he had made out last week." I couldn't take this anymore. I wanted to run. I needed to get to Charlie. I had to get him to see me. I must save him. I only got as far as the door, when I tried to walk through I was thrown back to wear Edward sat.

I screamed in frustration, causing Edward to cringe. He shot me a sympathetic look. "What happened?" Carlisle asked concerned.

"Bella tried to go save her father and was thrown back to me."

Carlisle nodded. "How do you plan on saving Charlie?"

"I was thinking of smashing his gun with my strength?"

"How would you explain that though?"

Edward lowered his shoulders. "I don't know Carlisle. I can't let the man kill himself. If only I could tell him that I know what he plans to do, then I could give a more direct intervention."

"What about Billy?" I spoke up.

"That is brilliant, Bella!" exclaimed Edward.

"What did she say?"

"She suggested that we contact Billy. I can meet Sam Uley at the boundary line. He will go and deliver the message to Billy. He already lost one of his best friends; he won't just sit back and let another one die."

"How will Billy explain to Charlie how he knows?"

"Think about it, Charlie shows many signs of suicide. I forgot to mention that Charlie is still wearing the same clothes he wore to Bella's funeral."

Carlisle eyes shot open in shock. "What if after Charlie is confronted he finds away around this?"

Edward shook his head. "I don't know Carlisle, but one way or another that man's heartbeat will not stop by his own hands," Edward declared with much determination.

I could not help, but to feel a little bit of hope. If anyone could get through to Charlie I knew it would be Billy even if that meant dragging Charlie back to La Push so he could be better watched, or admitting him to a mental hospital.

AN: (When I first posted this I forgot the beginning of the chapter) Sorry it is little late and for the super short chapter. I have a poll up on my profile. Please take it. It asks if you would prefer daily updates or longer chapters. (If longer chapters are voted for they will be at least 4 pages long in Microsoft word.) If it is not up yet it should be in a few hours.


	17. Chapter 17

DISCLAIMER: All books and characters in the Twilight Saga are property of Stephenie Meyer.

Chapter Seventeen

"When do you plan on going to the boundary line?" I asked after he shut the door behind him.

"I was actually planning on going as soon I carried the rocking chair in."

Before I could reply Jasper came around the corner. Edward and he shared a conversation through their minds.

"What is going on?" I inquired.

"Jasper wants to come with us. He thinks that his ability will become useful, in case there are any problems with the pack."

"I agree with Jasper," I declared.

"I do too. Now if you don't mind I need to go get the rocking chair and then we can get going."

Edward put the rocking chair in the corner of his room farthest from the door. When we got downstairs Jasper was already standing outside by the Volvo.

"Should I sit in the back?" he asked unsure.

Edward looked at me waiting for an answer.

"No he can sit in front." Just as long as I could see Edward there would not be any problems.

"Thank you." Jasper got in the front seat. Edward opened the back door for me.

Five minutes after we reached the boundary line Sam and Jacob arrived in their human forms. Everyone except me had a look of discomfort and disgust on their face. The tension in the air was starting to overwhelm me. No one has said a word yet and they already look like they want to kill each other. I was thankful when Jasper sent calming waves to everyone.

It was Sam who spoke up first. "What is it?" he asked in an artificially calm voice.

"Charlie is planning on committing suicide this Friday," revealed Edward.

Jacob looked like he was about to cry. Charlie and he got along very well, a lot better than Charlie and Edward got along until recently…

"How did you find this out?" Sam inquired.

"Charlie invited me over today. He wanted to bury the hatchet and let me take something of Bella's to remind me of her…I took the rocking chair."

"How does he plan on killing himself?"

All the anger that was felt disappeared, and was replaced with anxiety and melancholy. Jasper sent out more calming waves. Edward gave him a smile of appreciation.

"He plans on shooting himself. He invited me over on Friday to watch the baseball game. I was going to use the opportunity to do a bit of intervention. I thought about breaking the gun, but Carlisle pointed out that if I did that then our secret would be out. Charlie knowing our secret would put him in danger," Edward explained.

"What can we do?"

"I was hoping you would tell Billy. I know he already lost his other best friend. I am hoping Billy can do some intervention. Just so you know Charlie hasn't changed clothing since Bella's funeral." Jacob cringed at the thought.

"Does he show any other signs of suicide besides the thoughts you heard in his head?"

"He has completely neglected himself. When you look in his eyes nothing is there." Edward cringed.

"Sorry," said Sam.

"No don't apologize that was my fault. You were only having a memory. Continuing though, he has a will already made out. Charlie and I finally burying the hatchet would be classified as a sign. He wanted to make sure things between us ended on a good note before he went to join his daughter."

I don't believe I never realized that. I guess I was just happy that Charlie took the initiative to repair things between Edward and him.

"Thanks for letting us know bl- Edward. I will tell Billy. Don't worry we will want lose another Swan," declared Jacob.

AN: URGH! Writer's block sure is a pain. Don't worry. I already know what direction I want to take this story in and how it will end. Sometimes it is hard finding the right words though. Once again sorry for the short chapter and sorry it is late. Hopefully the next one will be at least a full 2 pages. I will keep the poll up until Monday.


	18. Chapter 18

**DISCLAIMER: All books and characters in the Twilight Saga are property of Stephenie Meyer. **

Chapter Eighteen

"Is Sam or Jacob going to talk to Billy?" Carlisle inquired as soon as we walked in the door.

"Yes, Jacob swore that he wouldn't let another Swan die. I explained to them how Charlie neglected himself." Edward explained.

"Did you and Jasper run into any new problems with the werewolves?"

It was Jasper who answered this time, "Nothing out of the ordinary. There were some uncivilized feelings between both groups."

"Well then I guess it's good that you were there to provide your help Jasper," Carlisle mused.

"Of course."

I lagged behind Edward as he walked up to his room. It was only two days away when Edward and I went to go see Charlie. Of course Charlie would only be seeing him.

It broke my heart that he couldn't see me too. I feared when I saw Charlie on Friday it would be the last time I saw him.

I couldn't let myself think like that. The Cullens, the pack, and Billy would make sure Charlie was safe. That just wasn't it though. Did Charlie plan on having Edward over after Friday night? Obviously he didn't if he planned on killing himself. How will things change once his plans don't get as planned?

Edward sat on the rocking chair while I stood by his window gazing at the view outside. "Bella, what's on your mind?"

"I miss Charlie," I said still not facing him.

I heard him get out of the rocking chair and walk up behind me. "Oh Bella, I wish there was something I could say or do to make it better but there isn't."

"No matter what choice I would have made Charlie would have been alone and miserable. Edward, he needs me. You saw the way he looked. He's completely neglected himself. He didn't even change his clothes. I don't even want to imagine want his cooking tastes like," I shuddered at the thought. "That's if even eats," I said below my breath.

"Do you want to check up on Charlie tonight?"

I turned around. "How will he feel about you coming over unexpected though?"

He chuckled. "Bella, he won't even know I'm there. We'll just go through your old bedroom window," he reminded me.

I beamed at him. "Thank you so much, Edward." I reached out to hug him and once again I went right through him.

"Grr," I cried in frustration.

"Perhaps, we should talk with Carlisle first," he mused. "You need to get some practice in."

I nodded. My mind was still filled with worries of Charlie. If something was to happen to him, I could never forgive myself. I wonder if he was to commit suicide would he cross over the other side and have to face eternal punishment. Or would he become a ghost like me? I smiled at the thought of being able to talk to Charlie again.

'Selfish, selfish, selfish," I chastised myself. How could I be happy about the idea of Charlie being a ghost? A body-less entity. What about the good citizens of Forks that depend on Chief Swan? What about Billy? What about Renee? I knew my mom is no longer in love with my dad, but she would be very distraught if he died.

I followed Edward out the door neither one of us saying a word to each other until we reached Carlisle's office.

AN: My deepest apologies for the long wait and the short chapter. I was a victim of writer's block. I planned on making this chapter long, but I'm not exactly sure how I want to write the practice session with Carlisle. It could take me a few days to figure that out, ergo, I decided you all waited long enough for a chapter so a short one is better than making you wait any longer. I thought I could do daily updates, but I realized that isn't possible. Hopefully I will have the next chapter out by next week.


	19. The Obstacle

**DISCLAIMER: All books and characters in the Twilight Saga are property of Stephenie Meyer.**

_An: I decided I wanted to have one story be beta-free and this one is it. I want a story where I can practice catching my own grammar errors. For the career I'm going into I need to have excellent grammar. I'm also rewriting the previous chapters, there won't be any major changes just correcting any grammar errors that I spot._

The Obstacle

Carlisle, Edward, and I decided it was best to have my practice session in Carlisle's office. Edward repeated everything I said to Carlisle.

"For this work you must truly want this," Carlisle chastised me.

We have been practicing for over an hour now and I had over one hundred failed attempts. I was way past the point of frustration. The whole situation looked completely hopeless.

Once more my hand reached out in a futile attempt to touch Edward, and just like before my hand went straight through him.

I groaned in frustration. "This is completely useless. I'm trying as hard as I can."

"No you aren't. You haven't proven to either Edward or I that you honestly want this," Carlisle countered.

"Of course I want this. How could you think that I don't want it?" I spat back, and Edward repeated it word for word to Carlisle.

Now I was livid. How dare he accuse me of not wanting this? I wanted nothing more than to be able to touch Edward…to be able to feel his ice cold, stone-like skin under my finger tips. I wanted this more than anyone knew.

"Don't be discouraged, love," Edward said, pulling me out of my trance.

Edward sat on one of the chairs in Carlisle's study, while Carlisle sat behind his desk, while I stood.

"I don't think you're getting down to the core of your desire," Carlisle mused.

I gave him a quizzical glance, which I knew he wasn't able to see.

He leaned back in his chair. "I have a theory that I would like to test; if you don't mind…" I nodded in approval and Edward gave him my consent, "Edward and I will take turns asking you questions until we get to that core."

He shot a glance towards Edward. Edward nodded in response to whatever Carlisle was telling him in his mind.

Then the questioning began. Edward assured Carlisle that he would repeat my answers word to word back to him.

"What does your heart desire?" Carlisle asked me.

"My heart desires to touch him," I responded truthfully.

Edward stood up and walked over to me smiling. "Why?"

"I love you; and I miss the ice cold temperature of your body."

"Why do you miss his body temperature?"

"Because I equate coldness with him."

"Why do you equate coldness with me?"

"Because it makes me feel safe"

"Do you feel unsafe now?" Carlisle inquired.

"Yes."

"Why do you feel unsafe?"

"I miss the security…and the freedom that my body provided me. I miss being able to leave and go as I please….I feel like a prisoner," I admitted.

Carlisle gave a small smile at my response.

"Why do you feel like a prisoner?"

"There are too many boundaries."

"Why do you think there are too many boundaries?"

"Because I have to follow Edward around; I can't go anywhere that he isn't."

"Do you wish to be free of Edward?"

"No," I exasperated.

"If you could be anywhere right now, where would it be?"

"…with Charlie."

"I think we found our answer. Bella, right now this won't work, because all of your thoughts are on your father," Carlisle pointed out. "I think it's best if we stop for today."

In only a couple of hours we would leave to check up on Charlie. Edward had only said a few words to me since my last practice session. I feared that I had hurt him with my words.

"I'm really making your after life miserable; aren't I?" He asked.

I was appalled. How could he think something like that?

"Of course not – I thought you were smarter than that."

He got up and walked towards his window.

"You don't resent me for holding you back? For taking away your freedom?" He asked facing the window.

I glided up behind him.

"If this is anyone's fault is my own. If I never tried to leave you, this wouldn't have happened. I can only blame myself."

He turned around. I could tell by the expression on his face that he wasn't satisfied with my answer.

"Does this really have to do with what happened earlier or is this just you taking the responsibility for everything yet again?" I asked exasperated.

"Like you do?" He countered. "Bella, we've be playing this game ever since we started dating; we both refuse to allow the other take responsibility for their own actions."

"Don't you see though?" I tried to reason with him, "this time it actually is my fault. If I never left –"

"I should have fought for you," he cut me off.

"This is silly. How long are we going to go around about whose fault it is? It's done and over with, there's no going back. Let's just learn to be happy with what we have now and adjust to the situation," I reasoned with him.

He smiled at me. I let out a sigh of relief.

Luckily, my old bedroom window wasn't locked, ergo; Edward had no problems opening it. The nostalgia of seeing all my memories over took me. Surprisingly, the most heartbreaking memory came from the calendar that hung on my wall, the same calendar that had my birthday written in my messy handwriting. I wondered what it would look like with the date of my death marked down.

"Bella, I-"

I turned around. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine," I cut him off.

Just as he was about to argue with me, we heard Charlie cough in his sleep.

AN: I wanted to continue this chapter, but I'm not exactly sure what I want to write next in this part of the story. I'm no longer going to make promises when I'll be posting the next chapter for this story, because I just seem to break them. Don't worry, I won't abandon this story. I already know hot it's going to end even though it took me forever to settle on an ending. Thanks to redwolffalls, who spotted a big mistake that I made in the story. For any of you that read this chapter already, _Carlisle can't hear Bella. _Even authors need to reread their own stories to remember their own storylines.


	20. AN

Update

1. Don't review this author's note. If you have any questions send me a PM.

2. Sorry I haven't updated any of my stories in a couple of weeks. I've realized that I can't handle more than one story going at the same time. I have decided to work on only one story at a time. I will write that story until it is finished before I move on to the next story. I will also have the rough draft completed before I post anymore chapters of any of my stories. Once the rough draft is completed, I'll send the next chapter to my beta (not done baking) and after she checks it over for me I will post it and so forth.

3. The order I will be working on the stories is as follows:

A. Misunderstood Decisions - The only reason this ones is first because I seem to be the most in sync with this story and it'll hopefully write the fastest. I still need to do quite a bit of research for this story, which I will do as I write. I will continue writing Misunderstood Decisions tomorrow. I know the latest chapter I wrote caused some people to be worried about Alice, so if you want me to spoil you then send me PM.

B. A Tear in the Family Portrait – At first this was the story I was most in sync with, but after the latest chapter I realized I have no idea how people acted during the early 20th century, so I need to do to research that before I can continue. I'm very sorry for leaving people hanging.

C. The Connection Runs Too Deep – This is the story that I'm at least in sync with, so it will be the last I finish.

4. I have many other ideas for stories, but I want start those until after I finish these three.

5. Thanks to all who have stuck by me. I really appreciate it.


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